self healing

I wish I can share my feelings whenever I feel down.
I wish it was you who can lend me your ears
and give me undivided attention.

But I don’t get to share. Not yet.
I’m afraid that my emotional/sensitive personality
would unintentionally hurt you.
So by time, I just heal, by myself.
But for how long?












ps: we will get disappointed  if we expect from people,
thus learn to put hopes and trust on Allah.

Achievement unlocked

Bismillah


Assalamualaikum, Jumaah mubarakah everyone! I doubt there’s any reader for my half-hiatus blog XD

Anyway I just wanna share how glad I am to be able to reach another milestone in my career (though it’s not a big thing) but I haven’t done it since undergrad! So today I’ve done a fibre post and core build up for composite as final restoration of RCT treated tooth (21). It took me 2 hours to finish the treatment (so long!) but I blame the ineffectiveness of the burs. Tak lut weh. Need to use new ones I guess. 

PS: Of course I suggested the patient to do crown as final restoration, however due to logistics reasons patient currently unable to go for crown at specialist clinic.

I attended the course by Restorative dept (govt) last year, and so thankful I found a suitable patient to do it this year, and because specialists also encouraged us to do simple case in primary setting so i wanted to push myself :) Yeah, it’s kinda boring to do same procedures everyday as a regular dental officer (extractions, fillings, scaling) so I wanted to venture into new things to polish my skills and boost my confidence.

But it comes with a cost of course, I bought the materials myself since govt budget is so limited (especially at the end of the year) and I feel it would be unfair to request from SDO (I doubt she would even consider it lol) if the materials not being used often.. well resto specialist did told us to ask for district’s budget (even provided us the materials price quotation and suppliers), not just for post + core but also for simple crown and bridge. Currently tempted to do anterior crown as well, however after looking at the price for impression materials....hahaha nevermind..maybe later >.<

So what shall I try next? I feel bad for myself as I’m not keen to further my studies..yet (envy those who’s determined to study!) but I really want to do attachment at Resto clinic :D Insyaa Allah one fine day, please pray for me so that I can transfer to work at my place, Negeri Sembilan :) They have been postponing my transfer for 2 years already :( Ya Allah bukakanlah hijab para panel mesyuarat terhadap namaku supaya aku dapat berpindah ke klinik di Seremban pada mesyuarat bulan ini, aminnn.


Thank you for reading, may you have a great weekend :)

Empty thoughts

I doubt there's somebody out there who can understand me enough to not criticize me over my negative personality that I absolutely can't change overnight because the truth is-- you can't change people. You can just understand them, make them feel better by suggesting how they can see things in different  perspectives. People are not always positive; no you're not. (Except for Prof Muhaya :')

I salute anyone who can describe me as a whole honestly. Because sometimes, I don't even understand myself. I've read somewhere, don't let people describe you. But to me, I can learn how people see me through that. And I hope I can be a better person, as days goes by. But (again), I'm the type to just go with the flow. I avoid thinking about the future cause it's exhausting. To this day, I'm not growing in a way I imagined, perhaps new environment can help a bit, later on?

I miss usrah- my last usrah group. My murabbi is amazing, she still is. May Allah grant her His Great Blessings  day by day.






Ps: pms week is when i want to avoid people at all costs.
Pss: i'm an ISFP

i wonder..

..how do people have pure hearts?

Are they born with it?





ps: I'm thinking out loud

supplementary pro exam

Alhamdulillah! God is Gracious, Most Merciful.

Most of us (extended students) who were struggling with cons requirements (especially) within these 2 blocks are finally eligible to take the supplementary pro exam. Yeay us!
Thank you Allah, our parents du'a and of course, our lecturers supportive hearts. Ni baru announcement eligibility to take exam dah happy macam ni, can u imagine the struggle?

But sadly.. there's still a good friend of mine who's unable to take the cons exam. I hope you can finish this soon so we can attend the convo together (i'm praying for you) this year ;)

My paper will be on the 3rd of february 2016, I have about a week to go and I haven't started reading yet. omgoshhh. Procrastination at its best >.<

Gotta go do some reading. Pray for my success okay bloggerpeeps? Muahs :*

Supplementary 4th Professional Examination, 

Year 5 (1-19th Feb 2016) Session 2015/2016

My subject: Conservative Dentistry

Please include me in you du'a as well  ^_~




ps: what kind of jobs could i do during pre-working period later? i need money to go for a vacay -_-

Summary: final year dental student life

Bismilahirrahmanirrahim.

As I scrolled down my past blogposts, I realized I haven't really mentioned what I did in my final year (last acad yr 2014/2015). Just that viva final pro exam thingy. 

So here goes my quite-an-achievement;

-issued & reviewed 12th denture (did 3 pairs & 1 single denture that yr)

-issued a set of Full/Full denture for prostho clinical exam with good remarks from the examiners & complete satisfaction from the pt (sampai tak nak dtg review ha)

-completed 3 anterior RCT (all premolars lol) 

-issued a URA to my ortho pt which was also my dear paeds pt afiq :)

-done 2 MOS (impacted teeth)-under specialist' supervision ofc 😅

-did 2 cantilever bridges and 1 posterior crown 

-finished 10th paeds extraction, 1 pulpectomy (but unsucessful since roots were too short), 1 pulpotomy followed by SSC placement on my handsome paeds pt, Ali :)

-completed 5 GDP cases with 2 reports

-completed 40 sites (kot?) of root planning & review for case report

- >5 DPH complete cases with 3x visits <25% plaque score, 2 tobacco cessation & 3 dietary advice given

-won 3rd place for 4th DSSC (kod level) & participated in the NDSSC.

Bila list out baru nampak mcm wahh i did quite a lot actually.. 😆 but not enough.

The bitter part was, I wasn't able to complete my Cons requirements; due to pt's problems, clinic unfavorable condition, time constraint & rezeki. So here I am in IIUM trying to finish these requirements within this final semester to be eligible to sit for my last pro exam paper this January In shaa Allah. Your prayers for my success are highly appreciated, jzkk! 😊

old buddy and.. crush?

Bismillah.

Last thursday, I just found out that my old school buddy is in town! She lived so nearby that I wonder why I didn't know that she's been here since..forever. haha. She just graduated from Mansoura, Egypt. The place where I planned to go to after SPM actually. Last time we met was probably in 2012? So long ago that we definitely need a catch up sesh!

So I went out with her on Friday, to temankan her doing her akujanji (or angkat sumpah?) and medical check up for upcoming HO position in HTAA. Cool. Ada geng around here during my final semester but I doubt she'll have time to hangout after starting work as doctor there. Sobss. So basically I got the rough idea on how to do stuffs before start working..

Of course we went for lunch and start updating ourselves. What's more interesting other than relationship stories? hahah. Well, obviously I don't have one.. yet ;p Sabby tu hotstuff so there were loads of stories to listen to hehe. Nak dijadikan cerita, she reminded me of my old old crush back then in 2008 when we were taking arabic course in GMN at UKM. So old that I was surprised she still remembered that hahaha (zaman hingusan k).

We (me, sabby and baby) called him binafsihi. Haaa amik course arab kot masetu harusla nickname pon arab LOL. Binafsihi means purple, cuz he wore purple tshirt during that time, I still remember all of us was in the meeting room and he sat across us, then we (or was it me?) secretly took his pic (with that purple tshirt). Omg I laughed so hard remembering how childish I was hahaha. So that was the only memory I had about him.

But since sabby brought up his name, I wondered if he's still single and she said yes. I actually didn't remember his face.. haha. So I asked her to show me his FB acc and there, nampak la profile pic and all and he looked.. different. Got matured I guess. And then.. I added him. On FB. omg. hahah that was my 1st time doing that! (adding quite a stranger haha). Of course I asked sabby to add him 1st (tho they were in the same uni & group but she said he was a quiet type so that's why tak friend) so that we have mutual friends. I don't wanna look like a creep. Then after finished eating, suddenly dpt notification yang he approved our friend requests. I was happy but in the same time so flustered bcos never did this kind of thing before hahaha dah besar kot -_-" Long after that, suddenly I thought, what was the purpose of me doing that? Ntahla. I don't have the courage to pm him directly of course. No expectations held :) The end XD

The next day, sabby invited me to her house. She stuffed me with food (did I mention she belanja me all the way through?) be it pizza or cooked home meal. Heaven :') Definitely a wife material la :D Thanks for the treat and sleepover sabby! Felt nice like college days again. hehe. Keluar la cerita2 our batchmates phoenix, made me realized I really miss my tkc girls. Tho I'm studying in Malaysia, I don't really spend time with my girls.. coz we got lots of exams and no study week. And no transportation pun 1 of the factor. huhu. Missed lotsa weddings.. As far as I can recall, I attended Din2, Sur and Sazuk's weddings je. Ohmyyy. Need to socialize better :')

My message is: go out and don't forget to contact your old buddies yea. coz you don't always wait for people to come and search for you, but you also need to reach out to them :)

Have a nice week peeps! Happy advance Malaysia Day :)

Random gesture

Saying hello out of the blue & asking how are you doing is not wrong at all.

Because friends do that.

Now I'm certain that we are not. Thanx!

Updated: Eventually it took you 2 months to reply, huh. Glad we are still friends :)

Me-time

Bismillah.

:)

"No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah's decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee." -Umar Al-Khattab  

I miss my old friends. Who are less judgemental. Who listened to me without telling others the story. Whom i can call my sisters. Perhaps it takes 5 years and more to realize a true friendship. *teary-eyed*

Ps: Al-fatihah. Thank you :] I need to refurbish this blog. Mati tak mengenal usia. I guess i miss you.

Simplehijab

As Salam :) What a lovely saturday. Not. 

I'm going to have 3-days-straight VIVAs next week, not including viva voce for all subjects. Pheww. 

However, i stumbled upon this. 

"Become our agent/affiliate by sharing URLs and get 5% commision for each purchase." -simplehijab. 

It's like a passive part time job, all you need to do is register and promote the link on fb/twitter/whatsapp. As simple as that ;)

I was afraid if this thing is a scam, so i checked the page. This thing is indeed true. Simplehijab's online shop has more than 150k followers already on instagram:

So let's join this! You just need to click this link: 

 http://simplehijab.co/?id=nsei

And follow the steps to register.. No harm right because no need to provide bank acc no or whatsoever. :)

Jom register, girls! (Boys pun bole 😉) 

http://simplehijab.co/?id=nsei

Thank you 💛

Esc.

So i was updating my bitdefender antivirus plus 2013 to the 2015 (latest version which has the new computer optimization feature) earlier this morning, tho i still have 275 days left on my current antivirus. Yeah, i bought the valid license key. It was written that i could upgrade for free so i thought, why not? (I will tell u later why not.)

 

As i went through the lengthy process of uninstall and re-installation, i finally got my new antivirus ready. Yeay me! However, when i entered my existing license key, it says--invalid. My heart crushed. How could this happen? I was sure i read the post about free upgrade clearly. Blergh! 

So i rant it out & emailed bitdefender asking why can't i use my validated key but there's still no response. 

I got impatient, so i searched for free key, keygen, and crack version. The key & keygen didn't work, so i downloaded the crack version. The app was Xan___ sth. All i need to do was shut off the antivirus and open the app and reboot my laptop using safemode and after it's done, the laptop will reboot to normal. I did it sucessfully, the activation thing, but when i rebooted to the normal windows, my laptop said-- windows fail to start.

Oookay. I was anxious. I tried the 'system repair' function but still, it didn't work. After the windows logo, my screen went black with my cursor hanging around. I freaked out then. I googled and most of the solutions couldn't be done, as i had no latest system back up restored. The only option was either to run windows using CD or to use Dell Data Recovery & Local Back up. I chose the latter one because i don't have internal CD player. Thank u Dell for this feature! It could restore my OS to factory setting without deleting my personal files. I could choose what to back up. And sadly, I don't have enough internal HDD memory to do that. I just need to buy a new external HDD so that i could back up all my precious pics & videos & ebooks and restore my windows. Money again 😪💸💸 But better than nothing aite? 

Oh why i shouldn't be doing this on the first place, u asked? Because i have my pro exams going on now! (It's the final exam that determines whether i'm eligible to be a dentist) And i wasted half of my day doing THIS. Lesson learnt, pretty harshly. 😂

Alright. I'm not an ICT student, i know. Please pray for both my exams & laptop will ya? Thanks 😊 (trying to accept the fact that i won't have laptop for a week 😢)

Thank you for reading! ;) Now go back to study.

Research

Mental health among university students represents an important and growing public health concern. Mental disorders are estimated to account for nearly one half of the total burden of disease for young adults in the United States (World Health Organization, 2002).In addition, a growing body of evidence suggests that mental health problems are numerous and increasing among students in institutions of higher education, which the majority of young adults attend.

Oh well, just finalizing my group's research report on depression, anxiety and stress. It's interesting how our brain works. How overthinking could complicate things. How we need to change our mindset to outgrow our capabilities. How comforting words may help, in some ways. Above all, how our beliefs (iman) towards Allah could save us from our misery. It's good if you can take control of your own self. You're on the right path then. Just my two cents.





ps: would anybody lend their ears or shoulder to me? :)

Kindness

Now, nothing beats the love of a good lecturer.
Who wants to see our success, who tries his best to offer help,
Who do not use our weaknesses to threaten us but instead lifts us up,
Who is willing to sacrifice his time for his students and the patients,
Who does not take things to his heart.

This, is also, a blessing from Allah 😊






Ps: when you grow older & have gone thru pains, love is all you need 😌

Negativity

Kita dah try nak jadi positif. Tapi bila ada banyak benda dlm kepala, bila byk sgt dugaan, somehow akan keluar jgk sifat negatif tu.

Dan bila saat kita negatif tu semua menjauhkan diri, maksudnya?
Mereka tak boleh terima kita seadanya.

Kawan, patut bantu kita untuk jadi lebih positif. Walaupun sedikit. Bukan kah sebab itu kita memilih untuk berkawan?

a short note

Assalamualaikum

There are so many things, memories, that i wish to pour them out here as writings. but taktahu kenapa when i berangan-angan nak tulis, bukak laptop, terus tekan sana sini dah terlupa tujuan asal T_T 

for some reasons, i don't like to share about my personal life. but personal experience such as trips to awesome places should be shared right?? just in case i get to make my readers happy/ inspire you, who knows ;)

most of them would be just throwbacks, because it takes a good time for me to write long, beneficial posts. haha. i hope i'm rajin enough to write you guys some useful posts later on! being postponing my written posts, thanks to pictures diary by instagram -__-

please pray for my hardworking-ness, happiness & not to forget my safety for the trip to bandung next week :D 

toodles~

most familiar stranger

you are a stranger now
and we don’t
hang out anymore
but you are still the person
i’d understand the most
my most familiar stranger

@PoemsPorn

doesn't matter anymore

too much heart aches these days. perhaps i'm too sensitive..

when you feel that you don't matter to anyone anymore,
when you feel that your presence or absence don't really make a difference anymore,
when you feel that your words don't touch others' hearts anymore,
when you feel that nobody appreciates you as you are anymore,

just remember this-- Allah is always there for His servant. 
Listening, caring, forgiving for people who turn to Him. 
Now.. does that ease your heart my dear? .





ps: consoling my fragile vulnerable heart.. 
My condolences goes to the families & relatives of MH017 passengers & crews. Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raajiun.. Al-fatihah.
Let's Strive for Lailatulqadr~

Year 4 Summary

Lately, my posts have been more personal, than the previous years.

I miss the funny side of me too, haha.

But being a 4th year student has taught me so much. I know my real self now and also got to know who the real friends are. Unfortunately, as I'm getting older, I barely have any close friends here. True story :) 

Maybe, I don't deserve to have one. I get grumpy at times especially when I don't get enough rest (sleep). Only sekime can handle me but well, she's busy with her club & society. Barely talk to her. So that explains my lonely life.. erh

Being a clinical student is so tiring that you have to make appointments by yourself (every day) and you need to find suitable cases to complete your requirements. And this year I had to issue & review at least my 8th denture (5 pairs this year)  so you can imagine how tiring the labworks had drained all my energy. Not including fabricating the ortho appliances (Clark Twin Blocks).

Struggle masak denture malam2

Me & sekime with her braces on! 

My 6th denture framework.. Done a Co-Cr for the lower one using altered cast technique which needs extra 1 visit

Clark Twin Blocks for Interceptive Ortho Treatment

One thing I learned (every year actually), is don't hesitate to do something and do not postpone it to the last minute! Be it patients or studies. Just do it. Or else you'll get stucked and at some point you'll lose hope. 

I was having difficult times when I had to do 2nd attempt for 2 of my promotional exams, and 1 re-viva. So basically I didn't passed smoothly for all my 3 clinical promo exams. You had to find your own patients, getting paranoid with your 1st attempt failures, and had to choose which examiners you want to do your exam with. And oh, at the same time don't forget to catch up with the requirements yea. My brain got jammed and I was very2 emotional during that time. Crying is my routine.

My secondary impression during 2nd attempt for Prostho. Baik sgt pakcik ni :) 

But after all exams done, I managed to put a smile on my face. I believe Allah has better plans for me so I just tawakkal to Allah. How I wish I didn't have to repeat my exams, but Alhamdulillah my requirements are okay compared to those who passed all exams but struggling to finish the requirements. 

Clinics and lectures just finished yesterday and now, I'm preparing for my end of block 4 exam this Monday. I still don't know whether I pass or not and eligible to be in the final year, still praying for it Insyaa Allah. 

Yesterday I had mixed feelings between happy (end of clinic) and sad, because one of our classmates has left KOD for good.. There's a protocol where we can't study here for more than 8 years, so he was asked to leave because he didn't take any promo exams this year.. I hope you're doing well out there and become a fine man 1 day insyaa Allah.. Thank you for being our friend although it was for a short duration. Pray for our success here too :)

Oh, not to forget, I managed to join a national dental conference (MIDEC 2014) last 2 weeks and it was a precious experience indeed! So much I learned there which somehow motivated me to open up my own clinic one day :) aminnn. Definitely need to participate again next year :D

Dummy patient from Japan.. she can talk & express her feelings!

Dlm lif pon sempattt selfie

KLCC yaww. Makan berdiri kayh

We are the volunteer team :)

So that's all-- my ups and downs as a 4th year dental student. I'm so tired I can't wait to finish this last exam and have a great long holiday. Thank you for reading and do pray for my success yea!

ps: gonna miss my partner kak farahah and my cubicle I5 hee

Resolution

I'm going to prove that you're wrong.


:)


















Ps: because sleeping worth more than listening to someone in need

3rd Ramadhan as a 3rd Year student

Salam Ramadan Kareem to all :)

Woahhh it's been a year since my last post here. What a HECTIC year! Don't even have time to update. lol

Bukannya takdak masa langsung, tapi sumpah, bila anda jadi Year 3 dental student (in IIUM la other uni xsure), masa senggang yang ada tu anda ingin gunakan dengan sebaiknya untuk.. tido. ehee

Letih sangat-sangat tahun ni, sebab baru nak adapt diri dengan patients (dah start clinical year!) and at the same time kena bahagikan otak & jasad jugak untuk jadi medical student. Ya ampunn.. Boleh jadi bipolar tahu? :p dan untuk orang yang kurang stamina macam aku ni memang tidur tu adalah sesuatu yang nikmat.. lebih rela tidur daripada makan. eh ye ke?

Dan harini alhamdulillah, dah selesai 3rd Professional Exam, dah pindah semua barang-barang ke bilik baru yang jauh gilaaa ni (sakit segala urat sendi) dan dah menetap senyap2 disini. Dah tengok SSID sampai episod 7 to kill the time, dan sekarang dah tak tahu nak buat apa. haha. *gi ngaji nuhh*

Kenapa tak balik lagi kau tanya? Sebab nak tengok result yang akan keluar petang niii insyaa Allah. Cuak gilaaa tahu? Pro exam ni adalah benda yang paling menakutkan setiap tahun, sebab kalau tak lulus, kena repeat the whole year again. huu.. and this year it's even scarier because if u failed General Medicine & General Surgery (GMGS) subjects, you can't re-sit for the paper before actually being announce a repeat year student. huuu..

Ya Allah, kau kurniakanlah kejayaan lulus dengan cemerlang kepada hamba-Mu ini ya Allah.. aminnn :')

Dan sempena bulan puasa yang mulia ni, sementara syaitan2 tengah ditambat, mungkin kita boleh doa dengan lebih khusyuk dan lebih mudah terhijab doa kita hendaknya insyaa Allah..

So apa tunggu lagi? Selamat berpuasa semua :)

from Owh So Muslim #osm :)